In the Real Life

Hi Pov,

When I first talked to you I felt like I had known you forever, telling you my problems and what I didn't want ever. You listened to me. I bet you thought I'd never end, who would have thought? We would be the best of friends.

Over a period of time, I got to know the real YOU a girl so charming and honest, with a heart so true. You've survived your life with me by your side. I told you I'd never leave Because of the feelings I have inside. I know you like no one I have ever known, and sometimes I wonder what do I do when we're alone? I love the way we are together, you can always make me smile. You can wipe out my sadness. Will it ever really be forever? I guess I will have to wait a while.

You know you have made a lot of changes to me. You have done the great work I’ve learnt ever since. You made me feel like a powerful person or a creative manager. After learning from you, from the polite words you said, from the paternal words you shared, I have changed many things in my life. Firstly, when I got to know you, talked with you, and work with you, I changed my views of hopelessness and loneliness. I felt more courageous and more creative to work and study. I tried to do a lot of things even I think I can’t do either, but I always tried all the time. I liked to do more work and more hours. Secondly, I may say it is [YOU] who changed my bad behavior indeed and told what my mistakes were. The words you said seemed very useful not only for myself but also for my family and so do my friends. Positively, I brought all your educational words to apply to any areas as much as possible. I educated my sister what behavior she should say and what attitude she should act. I’ve also been a facilitator to solve my grandparents’ feud successfully. There many things you told me, but my memory seemed lower and lower to recover. However, one more thing I remember you’ve ever told me is [to use the right knowledge in the right way]. Well, so have I.

Till now, I haven’t relieved from affection of stopping loving, even we don’t talk together too much as before or we don’t meet each other so often either. You know when you neglected with me my heart is full of loving you. Until today, I just realize that loving you is not difficult in which many people said to love somebody is their consequences. In contrast, for me, it is different that to stop loving you is difficult and to forget you is the most difficult.

I looked you forgot everything happy together something we have together, but I. Even some quarrels occurred in our life, but my memory has never given it away. Since then, I haven’t forgotten you and I haven’t stopping loving you either. To be honest, namely I DO love you. I wanted to say it thousand times in thousand days of life. All in all, I engraved you in my heart and always said that “I DO LOVE YOU”. Everyday I think, Every night I dream, and Every time I miss.

Pov: Impossible is impossible

Dear My Pov,

It’s quit a hard time for me which the time I realize I’m wrong and missing the right way. If I followed what you told me before I would not be getting the wrong way like this. I’m so regret what I’ve done and what I’ve misbehaved. I might be getting wrong definitely in my life. “It’s easy to setup, but difficult to omit, and unable to forget. Person who runs slowly doesn’t mean he is a slow runner, and person who runs fast doesn’t mean he is a fast runner.” This is one point I have experienced in my life. ‘Honesty always wins failure’, this word we said after we succeeded only, not before. Pov, however, I have used this word before getting successful. This is what I’m thinking I’m getting wrong and getting bad. Until now I recognize all my wrongdoings. Pov, I would like to say so, so sorry for all everything. I know sunlight never rises at the night time.

Within this passage I have a few things to let you for the last of my writing. Firstly, I’m happy to know you and to learn from you how to good behave in family and society. Pov, I would like to voice my great thanks for your advice and comments on my misbehavior. I would learn more if I have time with you. You know I always praise you in front of my mother and my friends about your good perception and attitude. You really gave me the fruitful thoughts. This is what I really like you. Secondly, I’m happy to do everything for you for whom I confessed my loveliness to as the first of my life. You know what my intention is? I want you to be good in writing English because I know you are weak in writing. I always boost you to do homework and assignment. I do really want you to be strong in writing. Sometimes, you might misunderstand, but I don’t care I care what I can help you. Thirdly, honesty, helpful, understanding, communicating have been grained to you wholeheartedly. Pov, after regarded you as a person whom I love I’m willing to tell you about everything. Because I think if we have great time in the future we will have no doubts each other on the skeptical things. This was what I’ve thought. However, right now it’s contrasted to my thoughts. I forgot to think of my ability, my status, my work, and my background. Born from a part of rural area, poor family, and less power in society, I have nothing to let you consider. You have everything that I need but I don’t have anything that you want. However, I have my honesty for you. Fourthly, I will not disturb your life anymore. I knew that after I confessed my love to you our relations seems to be disparate. Pov, indeed, I was keeping in mind that you would consider what my wish is, but nothing getting better. Pov, from now on, will try my utmost to find a good work to locate myself in better conditions rather than working here to annoy you everyday. I think everything will be getting better until then. Anyway, I have provided you what my experiences are that you will be able to use it as fruitful instrument in studying and working. [Something good please take it and something bad please throw it away].

At the end, I would say I wish you successful in your life included studying, working and love always, especially your love. I wish you meet a person whom you love and he loves you too and more importantly your parents love him as well. Till then, I just realize that I am a too bad man to be one of your friends or any connection. Pov, you are my good evaluator in my life who I’ve never seen before. Pov, I would use what you indoctrinated me to advice other people else in this society.

Once again, thanks for your meaningful instrumental advice and friendly cordiality.
Kind regards,

BM….

P.S. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I feel ashamed to your friends and to every people who are working here when you call my name clearly. I feel down to every people nearby you. Furthermore, I forgot to tell you too, from the beginning of calling name, I was always headache for full three days and over. I’ve never told Pov about this at all because I looked you so happy to call me. Anyway, I want you to be happy too. This is my weak point. …

Tell me!

Pov,

Feeling is still feeling. I knew everything happend to me and to my mind, but I don't know how to curb it away. Please tell me how to become a good person in your life. Pov, I'm thinking of you.

To set one's heart at rest

In the difficult time in the work place, I am basically trying my utmost to work hard and keep alittle time to help Pov. I know in this month my work is so busy in which I can help you just a bit. But my wholehearted intension is to help you all work, to teach you how to work well, and to remind what you forget in work. Furthermore, the problem always occurs in our work place, but pls don't be worried about that this is what I want to tell you. Because I'm ready to help you physically and mentally. Pov, I can help you in work, in study, and in social life, but not in money and in hierarchy.

More work more complicated, this is for you but not for me. I know whenever work overloads you, your face turned so sour and bleak. That's why to realize that I was always being near you and with you to talk about something else whatever to make you happy. In addittion, even I have been told the impossible thing with you for my future, I still strong hope to have you in my life. I don't know when my heart will be broken.

Pov, from now on I don't want you to think what complicated you I want you to pay more attention to your study and work. I know I'm a bad person who plagued your life in a several months in working place, actually I don't want to do that. Because of my selfish loveliness, your study has been fell down in the score. Pov sorry for everything. I want to see you are happy, your smile, and your advise rather than your sad.

To summarize, I will keep my heart at rest from the bad thing I have done and wish you to meet a person who is much better than me in hundred times.

Yours regards,

Bad Man

Happy vs. Complicated

Pov,

you know a few day of this month, I felt so lonely after the working room was separated in which before I had always listened to what you argued, suggested, advised, and commented. Now I feel some works are complicated for you, even you look seemly calm and stronger, but my feeling is still worried about you. Pov, when work got stuck, I want you to be bystander, so we can talk something felicitous before getting work again.

My Pov, I understand your feeling on these days, but I’m now unable to help you solve it. I can help you in working, studying, and doing assignment, except your personal problem. I would not middle your decision-making, however, I can only tell you, think before making decision. If your choice is right, you will be happy for the full life, but if your choice is wrong, you will be agonized and self-hatred. For this point, I’m not sure whether I’m also the one of other persons you are considering, but I’m sure that I have nothing important you would keep in consideration. I wish you too to meet a person whom you like and are able to get along with for 100 years.

My Pov, I don’t want to mention this issue too much, what I want you to do is to study hard, read the book, and do some good works and assignment. I still remember one word you told me that your father told you to get married after you graduated. This gives me a wonderful hope, somehow I am thinking of you. Pov, for long before now, I have learnt the good thing and how to be a good person with hopeful thought to meet a good person like [you]. I have thought you are graceful to me, however, I’ve never thought I am good to you or not.

Do you remember one word I told you “Love Pov”? This is the first word for the first lady whom I told I do love from the bottom of my heart. Even you were reluctant to believe, however, I already told you what I want to assert. Nevertheless, I can’t say this word many times to you, but I can write this word for a few on this website. You know I’m not good at in using this word and I don’t want to repeat this word again because it might nag you unless after you got married. I will use this word of “Love” again whenever I can set my heart at rest.

Pov, even these months of January and February the work load appeared to me and to you too, but I’ve never forgot to help you in doing assignment. I want you to be strong, clever student in the class. Furthermore, I don’t want you to think of anything else besides your work and study. Hey Pov, I don’t care what you call me about and what you regard me as, however, I just want to hear what you call me with a polite and sweet name rather than others. Remember this: Problems occur because people cling to conventions and what they suppose things to be. If you look closely, in the absolute sense, however, you will see that things don’t really exist. Our house, our family, our money are simply conventions that have invented. Seen in the call of my name, it doesn’t belong to me. Even this name is not really mine, and just because you suppose it to be so doesn’t make it so. It would be like taking a handful of sand agreeing to call it salt. Would that make it salt? Well, yes, it would, but name only and not in reality. So you can call me as something provided that you are happy, I will be happy too.

You know, Pov, some days I really miss you and worry about you, but I don't know how to tell you what I feel.

Life and Love

Dear Pov,

With this message, I hope you will understand what I’m thinking about you and what I’m doing for you. Well, even the time is so short for me to know you, but it’s doesn’t mean too late. Looking and thinking has been engraved in my mind to what you are doing. Even I know the wall is too high to climb up, but my heart is higher than that. It’s so sure that one thing I can’t do is to pass the exam of your parents and you.

To be frank, sometimes I think I can pass it, but I have to ignore the deadlock toward what I don’t want to do in that way. It makes me so reluctant to that life. Ability is possible, except the financial capacity. I think if my status is rich enough, it’s nothing difficult to cater you and your family, especially your parents, they will consider over my objectives. It’s sure that you told me everything is dependent on your parents’ decision, I know that is what you cannot accept my love.

It’s extremely exact that I am all over of you, which I can’t set my heart at rest besides telling you the truth and finding the solution. Oh, nothing is getting better due to my humble status. Sometimes I don’t care about it, but it approaches me.

I know I don’t have anything to compete with you if comparing to the family status, but I do know that what I can give you is to be helpful, honest, understanding, and talking with you and what I can extra do is to live with you, to take care of you and to worry of you. Fortunately or unfortunately, my life likes the cricket’s breath living like the shadow of the sun. Therefore, what I always dream in my life about is to think of you, to be pity about you, to miss you, to be worried with you and the last is to love you wholeheartedly and honestly.

Many everlasting talks with you are making me more love you and think of you, but the thing I can do for you I think is nothing. I want you to be good and to know all work and everything. I think I can do very less for you. Sometimes I hate myself why I can’t do everything for you for the person whom I love. Nothing getting better than this!?

To see you talking honestly like this, I feel strongly hopeful and nothing to do besides talking honestly you, loyal to you. What I have talked are all true things in my life, which I’ve never told someone else. This I just want to tell you that all words and all things I said are not everybody know.

Hey Pov, I was headache for a few days as you have seen, because I have been thinking of you. Sometimes I think too much I know, but if I don’t think, it’s nothing happened.

If you want to find love, it is nothing to do with the forest or the mountains or the caves. It’s only in the heart. So I have to think about it, because I am a man. It has its own language of experience. There is a great difference between concepts and direct experience. With a glass of hot water, whoever puts his finger into it will have the same experience –hot- which can be called by many words in different languages. Similarly, whoever looks deeply into the heart will have the same experience, no matter what his nationality, culture, or language may be. If in your heart you come to that taste of the truth, of love, then you become like one big family –like mother and father, sisters and brothers –because you’ve tasted that essence of the heart which is the same for all. For me, I know I just need a true life, true love, and true story, even before I don’t care about it, but now it’s different after getting to know you, you are the one whom I can think of, take of, and worry about.

To tell you the truth, everything that I do I must do with clarity and awareness as I love you, this is after my decision with wisdom. That’s why, I talked with you that I don’t think my thoughts are wrong. When I see clearly, there will no longer be any need for enduring or forcing myself. Nevertheless, I have difficulties and burdens because I miss the point. Peace comes from doing things completely with my whole body and mind. Thing that is left undone leaves me with a feeling of discontent.

One more thing that I am going to tell you too is that most people just want to perform good deeds to make merits, but they don’t want to give up wrongdoing. It’s just that “the hole is too deep”. This I want to talk about the ladies in AV.

Suppose there was a hole and there was something at the bottom of it. Now anyone who put his or her hands into the hole and didn’t reach the bottom would say that the hole was too deep. If a hundred or a thousand of people put their hands down that hole, they’d say that the hole was too deep. No one would say that his or her arm was too short! We have to come back to ourselves. We have to take a step back and look at ourselves. Don’t blame the hole for being too deep. Turn around and look at your own arm. If you can see this, then you will make progress on the spiritual path and will find happiness.

Sometimes, I think that things happen I do not want things I want do not happen, why!? I always ask myself about this. As the story of mine, before I don’t need love, but it happened and right now it do not happen when I need love as I need you.

Everlasting talk, I am very ashamed to you, however, I’m happy to talk with you.